I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
