Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
