I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
