Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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