i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
