I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
