how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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