somebody snuck up and got me drunk
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
