We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
