Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
