hell yes lets make some ravioli
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
