So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
