dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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