Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
