no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
