made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I would fuck him just for his dog
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
