Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
