if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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