i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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