Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
