I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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