i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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