Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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