I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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