You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
