we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
