I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
