just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
