I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
