OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
