So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
