I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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