Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
