I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
