Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
