I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
