I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
