she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
