so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
