I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
