sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
