I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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