make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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