I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
