Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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