I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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