i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Two words: blizzard sex
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
