How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
