currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
