the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
