I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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