my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
